A coworker asked me earlier this week if I was excited about my move. I smiled and nodded. But when I got back to my desk, I asked myself – AM I excited? And if I’m being honest, I’m not, at least not at this moment. I’m currently in the sadness and nostalgia phase of our move. I have been mentally saying goodbye to Austin for the past two years because I knew that with Husband’s profession, we likely wouldn’t be able to stay here. And as much as I’ve complained about the traffic, the high cost of living, and the gentrification, I still really love this place. I’ve been here 11.5 years and it’s changed my life. I have so many wonderful memories of exploring this city – first by myself, then with my friends, with my brother when he stayed with me the Summer of 2010, and finally when Husband and I got together in 2012. I’ve experienced a lot of change since I moved here as a dumb and utterly clueless 23-year-old, but this is the first change where it really feels like a chapter in my life is closing.
I was trying really hard to suppress those feelings for awhile, but I think I just have to feel them. Life is messy and change can be exciting and sad at the same time. You can feel both. Sometimes it’s best to acknowledge the complexity of your feelings rather than trying to invalidate them.
So I’m just going to take a bit to “feel the feels.” I’m going to miss our families and friends. I’m going to miss this state and this wonderful city. I’m going to miss my coworkers and I’m frustrated that I’m leaving right when one of my projects is moving to the remedy phase, and I should physically be HERE for that transition rather than 1000 miles away.
But such is life. I am experiencing a rite of passage that many others have and are experiencing at the same time, and now it’s my turn to go through it. The sadness will pass and I will feel excited and invigorated by this change. I am an adventurer stuck in a risk-adverse body. I will let myself “feel the feels” and come out on the other side ready and engaged for this change. A new chapter will open and I will be happy that it did.
Hmm. That’s all I have for now. In other crafty news, I’ve frogged the shawl I was posting about earlier. The uneven edges were bothering me. It was a worthwhile experiment but I was ultimately unhappy with where the experiment was going. I still want to experiment with this yarn, so I think I will try to make the Arwen Halter Top. I will say that this color palette that I’m using is WAY outside my comfort zone and not something I’d normally wear, but time to ~embrace the change~, right? Or I will probably hate it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But let’s try!
Hope you have a happy Saturday!