Today is my second wedding anniversary.  Last year we celebrated our anniversary in Seattle.  This year we’d been planning on another anniversary trip, but…well, you know how that story ends.

This is a Studio MME kit (she’s since rebranded as Poplush Embroidery and has retired her skylines/landscapes kits.) I purchased this kit from the Elliot Bay Book Company while on our trip. I finished most of the kit last year, but then set it down as I was stitching the windows.  I picked it up recently and decided to finish it for my anniversary. It probably took another 30 minutes to finish stitching the windows. Isn’t it funny how we set aside WIPs when they’re so close to being finished?

We had a lot of plans this year that we’re now having to postpone indefinitely.  I mean, we’re all in that same situation.  I find a lot of solidarity in that. I got hit with the travel bug back in 2014, and as my anxiety management improved, that desire only increased.  I am so fortunate to have been able to visit the places that I have, because travel truly is a privilege.  But there are so many other places that I want to go, and I feel behind in that respect (Instagram gives me FOMO, and I’m sure that’s where a lot of it comes from).  I was worried that some the plans I had for this year would give me less time. And now, the irony is I have ALL the time that I would want…but nowhere to go.

I have to remind myself that as long as I have my health (which is hopefully for a long time) and as long as I have a job, I’ll be able to travel again one day when life returns to normal.

Work has been really stressful on top of that – I am managing a project that gives me heartburn and there has been a lot of self-loathing.  I know this too shall pass and I need to be kinder to myself.  But I am very hard on myself for mistakes.  Our hours are also being cut to 36 hours a week. If we’re 100% billable, we can charge the full 40 hours (which many of us, including myself, are not), but otherwise, our hours will be cut by 10%.  For someone who was hired right before the recession, I thought I knew what to expect in these general situations.  During the recession, small groups of people in each office had their hours temporarily cut back if they weren’t billable.  But these measures are being implemented for all exempt employees nationwide.  This is unprecedented, at least in my twelve years of experience with this company, and even during the worst of the recession, so…I’m a little concerned. But again, I still have a job, I’m still getting paid, and I can work from home. I’m very lucky.

It’s also hard not to be homesick and nostalgic at a time like this, wishing for the comforts of home, of family, and friends.  I was on a video chat with my Austin coworkers Friday night.  I was floored by how sad I felt afterward, especially since I thought that seeing their faces would cheer me up.  It just reminded me of everything we left behind.  But Husband said something this morning that I think was really profound…that in uncertain times like these, when we don’t have anything to necessarily look forward to, we turn inward and go backwards.

I know that you all are dealing with the same worries that we are, and I find some much comfort knowing that we’re not alone in this.  It can be so much worse in so many ways and I never forget that…but sometimes you just need to “feel the feels.”  I’ve had to work these past two weekends, and this weekend I think I finally had more time to process everything…so I’m feeling it.

Thanks for listening. I send you all hugs and warmth.