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There are times where I feel the optimism of the changing season. The weather is cool in the mornings now. We turn off our AC and wake up buried under warm blankets. I take out cozy socks and cardigans. Chili is back in our meal rotation. I hopefully won’t need to check the dog for ticks much longer after he comes back inside.

Sometimes, I can forget for just a little and pretend everything is back to normal. But there are nagging reminders that keep me from forgetting for very long. The masks in my car. The flash of anger I feel when I spot someone not wearing theirs or seeing a nose poke out of one, peak passive aggression. The reminders at Meijer to wash my hands and stay six feet apart. The commercial straight of Black Mirror telling me to STAY HOME, SAVE LIVES with a soundtrack that will probably haunt me into senility. The HOA Facebook posts that I should probably stop reading for my own mental health, asking the deep, hard-hitting questions like, is Fauci a Communist? But what about Hydroxychloroquine?

Seeing all the Trump signs around the neighborhood. Horrible comments on Facebook about a Black Lives Matters protest at the gas station. RBG. That was a rough one. The fate of democracy shouldn’t rest on the shoulders of an 87-year-old woman. There’s only 41 days until the election. Either way, I don’t think the outcome will be good. I doubt we’ll go to bed knowing who the president is. And we have a sitting president already delegitimizing the election process, before it’s even happening.

Taking everything one day at a time is such a platitude and sometimes one that makes me angry. It’s too easy to toss it as a salve to someone without really thinking about what the other person is experiencing. But honestly, it’s all I can do. Find the good moments and focus on what I have. Hoard things to look forward to. Not think about what I’ve lost. It never becomes routine. It’s a daily fight. Some days, I’m really good at it. Others, not so much. I fear today will be the latter.

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13 replies »

  1. Ciao Jen,
    Le cose non vanno bene adesso con il coronavirus, e con Trump che continua a peggiorare la situazione. Speriamo che un giorno tutto possa tornare alla normalità. Ti auguro una giornata serena. Bacioni!

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  2. Your post is so relatable. I have a difficult time distancing myself from the emotions around me that it is too easy for me to be drained by the negative swirl. My husband and I just watched “The Social Dilemma” and decided to get off FB and Twitter. It is liberating. Take care of yourself!!

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  3. I agree so much going on right now. One thing I am concerned about on election our president said he would only accept the votes from Nov 3rd and not count the mail in. One reason why I am going to the poles to vote. I already miss RBG. She was so strong! I can’t believe we need to replace her place on the court for at least 41 days. Are the Republicans that afraid of losing the election?

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    • It’s so scary 😦 I will be going to the polls too (especially since Indiana doesn’t accept mail-in votes if you use COVID as an excuse). The hypocrisy of Mitch McConnell is enraging! If we can’t vote Trump out, I at least hope we can get control of the Senate again.

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  4. Jenny, I got so upset when people my age complain about how spoiled your generation has been. You’ve been through 9/11, a Great Recession, a pandemic, and another Great Recession ( hopefully not a depression). After all of this I am thinking you all will be the next “Great Generation “. Hang in there, keep on trucking’, and do great things. Love you!

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  5. I’m not sure what to say except that I feel all of this along with you. I am terrified and worried and anxious. But I took the dog for a walk the other day, and I saw at least 7 Biden lawn signs, and only one for the other. It was a tiny sign of encouragement that I really needed, even if it doesn’t mean much on a larger scale. But we’ll just keep on trucking, and cross our fingers that at some point, we’ll get past all this… trauma? discord? All of it.

    Oh, and I’m also delighted to be adding chili back to the meal rotation!

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    • ::hugs:: I know it’s just going to get worse over the next month, but hopefully there is a bright light at the end of this tunnel! It is encouraging that you saw Biden signs on your walk. I think I’ve seen three in my neighborhood and it fills me with a little hope.

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