Hello, friends! I hope you are having a relaxing weekend. Last night we had a really loud thunderstorm, but since we were at home, it was really cozy. I fell asleep listening to music I’d loved since my late teens/early 20s – David Bowie, Pink Floyd. I’m always listening to music while doing something else – driving, working – so it’s really nice to sit still and listen. Even if it’s a song I’ve heard over and over, focusing on the music means there will be a cymbal crash that I hadn’t paid attention to before or a suprisingly intricate bass line.

Today should be a good day. We’re going to check out the Pecan Street Festival (which I haven’t attended since the year I first moved here…which was 2008) and seeing a show! We’re seeing KNOWER, a jazz funk band. The best way I can describe their music is it’s the auditory equivalent of my brain on a sugar rush. I’m hoping to see Warpaint at the end of this month, but I haven’t committed or bought tickets yet. But if I could see this song live, then I’d be very happy.

I keep having to get up from writing this to keep a certain cat from eating my plants (cough cough MOON PIE cough cough).

ANYWAY. I can’t believe it’s May. I say this every month. April just dissipated. I have been keeping really busy. It has been..overwhelming. lol? Just so much going on with work and orchestra and my writing program and being a writing tutor and UGH. I think it will slow down a little bit – my semester has ended (though I need to prep for the residency, and that’s going to be a lot), orchestra is going to take a break for the summer, and work will get done (it has to get done). I’ll be looking at culling some extracurriculars so I can breathe.

But I think the major question I’ve had is – why so many projects, both at work and in my personal life? Why is this a pattern? (And there are more patterns, obviously, that I don’t think I want to dissect on this blog just yet). I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I decided to get screened for ADHD. I’ve certainly have had some of the classic symptoms since childhood, but what’s kept me from getting an assessment is that I don’t meet some of the other classic symptoms – mainly, I’m pretty neat/organized/tidy and am not constantly losing stuff. But I’ve been seeing more conversation online how many women don’t get diagnosed until they reach middle age because they learn how to mask symptoms. I saw some personal anecdotes from women who have been diagnosed later in life saying that they were neat and organized, but that was the only way to manage the internal chaos. When I read that, alarm bells went off in my head. I also read that people with ADHD have brains that are never quiet. You mean the chatter is supposed to stop? People don’t usually have a song snippet in their head 24/7? WHAT IS THAT LIKE?

Anyway, who knows? I may go through this whole assessment and find out that I don’t have it, and that I’m indeed just average and lazy. I just want someone qualified to tell me instead of looking up checklists on the internet. I already found out six months ago that I have aphantasia, so why not find out more about myself? It’s really cool to keep discovering new things about yourself and how your brain works.

This is not a super quick process and I’ve barely started, so I’ll have to wait and see.

In the meantime, here’s what I’ve been doing with my downtime:

Walks to enjoy the beautiful spring flowers; time with my precious baby pets (I’m so happy to announce that Apollo’s official diagnosis is allergic rhinitis…his biopsies were benign); good food here in ATX; books! Last weekend was the first annual Book Trail. We checked out several bookstores we hadn’t been to before, including a fantastic one called Alienated Majesty Books. It was really fun, and I can’t wait to participate again next year.

A couple of links before I take off:

• This blog from Rebecca Green about her misgivings with Instagram. It really captures the frustration I’ve had with the app lately. I’m trying to be more mindful about the time I spend on it, because it doesn’t spark joy like it used to.
• I finished Monsters by Claire Dederer and Spinning by Tillie Walden. Monsters is so good and really articulated the conflicting emotions I felt about like problematic artists. Spoiler alert – the way you consume art doesn’t make you a good or bad person. It’s really worth the read! Spinning is a graphic novel I picked up last week. It’s a memoir about a young girl figuring out her passions and sexuality while she wrestles with her love/hate relationship with competitive figure skating. It’s so beautiful and nearly made me cry a couple of times.
• My brain DJ keeps putting this song on loop. That bass line is fantastic.
• I recently found this blog. The crafty pictures are so pretty! (Looks over at unfinished cardigan that will stay unfinished until Fall 2026).

Ok! I promised I actually relaxed and was leisurely yesterday, but it’s sunny outside today and there’s a lot to do before our show later this evening. I hope you all have a great weekend and that you can relax without too much self-loathing.